Yup, I just watched a video of myself presenting my favorite movie to my English class. I officially hate myself. I find myself complete revolting. Just absolutely disgusting. Painfully horrific.

I hate my man voice, my double chin, my gut, my hair, my clothes, my lefts, my face, basically my anything. I find it so nasty and disturbing. I cannot stand to look in mirrors and I knew watching that movie was going to hurt. I avoid pictures as often as I can because it hurts to see me in them later on. My boyfriend;s mother snapped a few pictures of us in front of the Christmas tree. She bought us both picture frames to put them in. I refuse to accept the pictures. I won't even look at them. It will depress me.

Occasionally I feel like I should break up with my boyfriend and give him the chance to meet someone prettier. Someone that deserves him. Though, I personally do not believe that girl exists. But that is another blog all together. I picture him with girls like my friend Tara. Skinny, muscular girls with a girly voice and happy moods. He doesn't need this depression shit. I hope I am not clinically depressed that. That would blow. I just want him to be happy, he deserves at least that much. And so far he seems to be happy with me, meaning he has not yet broken up with me. When he does I will understand. He just needs to wake up and see that I am an embarrassment from head to toe.

I am looking forward to moving out of my parents house. Not because they do not treat me well, because they do. They are the greatest and most supportive people ever and I truly love them for all they have done for me. I know I still need their help because all of the money I earn from work goes straight to college and I need their assistance in paying for other things. But if I move out I will be living hand-to-mouth. Things will not be as readily available and maybe the stress and hard work will make me lose weight. I do not want to be denied that chance before it is too late. Working this summer will help me shed a few pounds. Maybe I can go on a diet if I do not tell anyone, to spare myself the embarrassment.

Any tips on how to not feel self-conscious about every little thing? It really is depressing and I am starting to believe I may be bipolar or at the very lease depressed. I just want to not worry about it as much so I can be a happier and better me. Any tips might help. Possible horror stories with positive outcomes too. I just need a pick-me-up and I would really prefer it not to be alcohol. That could lead to an addiction and I really do not need that to add to my problems. Please, help me relax.

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I have recently read the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer and absolutely loved them. I am excited for the movie to come out on November 21st. Edward and Bella are the cutest couple I have ever read about and I am indeed one of those girls who are disappointed that it is a fictional story.

Due to the popularity of the books I am predicting a baby boom where a good number of the babies will be named Bella and Edward. Hopefully people will not do that to their children because it will probably end up rather humiliating for the children later on in life. But I want to predict it before it actually happens. If there is not a sudden increase in the two names, than thank goodness people are being logical for the first time ever.